Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
