he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I use my feet as sexual weapons
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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