Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
