I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Someone came in the potted fern
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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