she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
