tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
