Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
