Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
