porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
