so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
they're like a gay fantastic four
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
