Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
