My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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