thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
