So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
