I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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