i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
