We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
