im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Found the puke drawer
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
