Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
