Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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