just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
we're so committed to being not committed
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
