I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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