she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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