matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
