hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
