If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
