You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
