What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
