Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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