If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
