I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
