well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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