as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
