I'm gonna have a badass scar
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
