Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
apparently the secret to your success is patron
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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