Non-Jews are for practice
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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