So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
