Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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