shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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