Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
