Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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