i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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