she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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