I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
