Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
