So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
