please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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