how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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