It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
