the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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