There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i dont even know how to be here
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
