It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
