the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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