I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
