i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
