Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
