she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
sex in a hospital.. check
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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