I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
