I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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