Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
